Who says Modernism wasn't funny?

Stumbled upon these literary bar jokes while researching James Joyce for a presentation. Quite. Quite.

My favorite is Twain's:

Mark Twain: Give me a brandy.
Bartender: So Charles Dickens came in the other day and ordered a martini.
Mark Twain: Did he take an olive or twist? Ha ha ha!
Bartender: (tearful) You did that on purpose, didn't you?

And although I know it's an exaggeration that most people take to be the truth, I still enjoy the Woolf caricature:

Virginia Woolf: I'll take your second-best cognac and unadulterated experience.
Bartender: We don't have that. This is a bar.
Virginia Woolf: Patriarchy! (drowns)

Note to self: remember these for Bloomsday.